Transgender Trend

Welcome to Transgender Trend.

We have set up this website with the aim of providing an alternative source of evidence-based information which questions the theory, diagnosis and treatment of ‘trans kids.’Β The mainstream media has been uniformly and uncritically accepting of the transgender diagnosis of children and in the absence of any public scrutiny the number of children referred to gender clinics has risen exponentially over the last few years.

We question who gains from this lifelong medicalisation of children, and whose vested interests are fueling the promotion of transgender ideology. We ask why it has become impossible to debate the subject without being labeled ‘transphobic.’

We’re not ‘anti’ transgender; those who suffer true ‘gender dysphoria’ need access to treatment, understanding and support, but we have serious questions about the current treatment paradigm. In particular we think there needs to be extreme caution before treating children. The theory of gender as an identity which overrides biological sex is just that: a theory. It is new, untested, and its application to children who are in the process of developing their identities contradicts all we know about child and adolescent development and psychology.

There are very different reasons why a four-year-old may insist they are the opposite sex compared to a teenager making the decision after becoming immersed in trans forums online, all urging transition; there are also different reasons why boys and girls may want to transition. We will be differentiating between the ages and sexes of children as we build the content of this site, rather than lumping all kids together as a homogeneous group under the ‘trans’ umbrella. Much more research needs to be done regarding these distinct groups.

This site is not a forum for debate about our position, so please respect the fact that we are not interested in hearing arguments ‘for’ the transgender diagnosis of kids. Any such comments will not be published. That view is extensively available online already and is not the point of this site. However, we welcome contributions from supporters, please contact us using the contact form.

Huge thanks to the feminists who have been documenting the rise of transactivist ideology for years, it would have taken a lot longer to get this far on the site without your work.

We hope that parents, the media and policy-makers will all make use of this site as a source of information, as well as young people and anyone who would like to know more about the subject and is frustrated at the one-sided view currently promoted.

Everyone is very welcome.

54 Comments

  • Norton Reply

    Thank you for this site..a much needed forum

  • Miep Reply

    Much support x.

  • PetuniaCat Reply

    This is great, congrats on starting your site!

    The “gender identity” concept isn’t just a theory it’s a particularly vaporous one. And although it’s new in the sense that our knowledge that there are two biological sexes is really super old, the gender identity concept was originally invented in the 1960s. One of the main people was a psychologist named Robert Stoler, and from what I read just on Wikipedia his theory was larded with Freudian claptrap. In other words the original concept of gender identity is fundamentally tied to the Freudian/intrapsychic model where the mind has all these different internal parts that work in exactly this way that Freud laid out. Nobody accepts that anymore. So gender identity is sort of a zombie notion left over from the Freudian era.

    • Miep Reply

      Yup also it’s not a theory at all, it barely rises to the bar of “hypothesis.”

  • Tony Reply

    Congratulations on setting up this much needed site.
    It seems to me that the transgender rights movement is having a deeply conservative impact on society. It often celebrates sexual stereotypes. It silences those who wish to protest at this, mis-labelling them as haters. It presents transgender as the definitive, indeed the only way to understand discontent with sexual stereotypes. The effect is to reinforce stereotypes and turn a social problem into a personal one.
    Transgender is a fad in the sense that it has ballooned to prominence in a very short time frame. But it has very strong sources of support, and will not die down any time soon.
    I have written about these issues in an Australian context here. http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=17566&page=0 .
    All the best

  • jasper Reply

    Thank you thank you ohmygoodness THANK YOU

  • ammonitey Reply

    This is so, so needed. Congrats on getting it off the ground. All the best.

  • sheila Reply

    How brave of you for doing this. I thoroughly expect this site will see a negative and hateful deluge as any site does that questions any part of transgender-isms. I am also gravely concerned about the recent trend with children and young adults. I wonder why more child and young adult clinicians are not coming forward and stating that it is normal development for a child to explore, and that a child cannot possibly have any critical thinking skills, and depth of reasoning that would make a logical opposite sex determination. I believe as the internet world has exploded this trend has also exploded. I also note that most articles that try to vindicate transgender thinking are written by those who have transitioned, therefore somewhat biased in such a way to validated their own personal transitioning. I implore you to also seek out the many who have and are de-transitioning. Good luck in sorting out the truth as I know this might be a difficult and frustrating process.

  • Cady Reply

    Great appreciation for this important site. So many of us have been horrified and frustrated as every day new and incredible nonsense is put forth by the transgenders and their allies. It has felt increasingly like a new patriarchal front for a new kind of, though historically persistent, assault on women and now, disturbingly, on children. Hopefully your site will be a place the trans enthralled media can come to for rational, researched, scientific, sane information. But you also will serve to support, empower and give voice to those many of us who have been isolated in our struggle against the trans juggernaut. I do believe their are many of us, perhaps even a majority, who have similar beliefs as this site, but people have been silenced by bullying and group think. Thank you for your present and future work.

  • Trice Reply

    Thank you to everyone working on this site. We need a voice that will be heard. I am a frustrated mom who has been trying to find information that doesn’t promote the trans narrative. I have a teenaged son who believes he is trans, an idea he got from reading sites on the internet. I hope your site can help me with some information that I can relay to him to think about. It is so very hard for parents and family to see their loved ones making decisions about themselves from the one-sided information they get from the media and searching the internet. THANK YOU!

    • Kim Reply

      I have a teen son who also says he is trans. It came about not long after Bruce Jenner transitioned. He says it has been how he felt all his life but there were no signs until a year ago. He is old enough to.do what he wants and is taking hormones. It is rough. I am hoping this group.will help me cope. I hope he doesn’t to too much damage before.this fad passes.

  • Eclectic58 Reply

    I’m delighted to hear of this new group and blog. It’s way overdue and I wish you the best of luck in providing concerned parents with another view on this subject.

  • Skeptical Mom Reply

    Yes, thank you for starting this website and organization! Currently it is very difficult for parents to find any information about transgender kids other than “IF YOUR KID SAYS THEY’RE TRANS THEN THEY ARE TRANS, BE A BRAVE, WONDERFUL PARENT AND ENABLE IT. YOU MAY NOT ASK QUESTIONS OR POINT OUT ANY EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY. GET THEM TO A TRANSITION SPECIALIST RIGHT AWAY AND START THEM ON THEIR FABULOUS JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME OF QUESTIONABLE AND DANGEROUS MEDICAL PROCEDURES.”

    I was even reluctant to get my child counselling because the only professional “gender counselors” in my area are men who are transitioned male-to-females. I was worried they might have an agenda to push, and from what I have read from other parents who have been there and done that, pushing their agenda is what these counselors often do. It is disturbing and dangerous that parents must be wary of psychotherapists to the point of keeping troubled kids out of therapy. These kids do need psychological therapy, along with plenty of time to explore their feelings and the possible reasons behind their feelings. The current trend of doctors and therapists rubber-stamping a transgender diagnosis and quickly pointing kids toward experimental medical treatment is beyond disturbing.

    Thank you for providing not just a balanced look at this topic, but also for basing your conclusions on cited, scientific evidence.

  • Brandi Reply

    Thank you to all who are putting this together. I look forward to following regularly. As a parent who is trying to raise my kids in ,as much as possible, a gender neutral way, I find the current trend and narrative in the trans movement, especially when talking about children, to be extremely worrying. I have read articles where people with kids as young as 2 years, state that they first knew their kids were trans when the showed an inclination toward toys or activities often commonly associated with the opposite sex. I have read in a national publication how one mother knew her toddler was trans because she would fight her every time she tried to put on her shoes or comb her long hair. It is so sad and scary to think of these young children being fed a narrative of being born in the wrong body from a young age and frankly I believe it is a form of Munchausen by proxy and child abuse. Time to really open up the dialogue and start protecting young children from this dangerous trend.

  • Alternate Reality Reply

    As a parent deeply concerned about the increasing number of children headed toward medical transition, I thank you for providing this resource.

  • nel Reply

    * Massive Round of Applause!! * So many thanks for your heroic efforts. Huge respect.

  • Melly Reply

    Thank you so much. This is so important.

  • Carrie-Anne Reply

    Thank you so much for creating this invaluable resource! As someone who’s never been very stereotypically “girly,” I can’t help but wonder if my parents would’ve been pressured into “transitioning” me had I been born more recently. It really concerns me how many children and teenagers nowadays are being presented as trans, without taking the time to explore these thoughts and feelings over a long period of time. When a child talks about being the opposite sex, that could really mean the child thinks being a boy represents something girls aren’t “supposed” to do, or that being a girl means being pretty or sensitive. It’s the same way children often have very off the mark, inaccurate ideas of what adult words like sexy mean. Until recently, parents and teachers were supposed to guide and help them in their juvenile confusion, not immediately declare they knew their own minds and possessed an adult understanding of the world.

  • J Reply

    I need help! I cannot acquiesce to my child’s thinking she is a gay male trapped in a girl’s body. There are so many discrepancies in her actions and requests and I think she is bi but having difficulties with her very mature body development. I can never find anything to help me deal with the fact that my instincts say this is something else. She is being treated for OCD and depression and anxiety and is socially presenting as a ‘boy’ although no one believes it. But school and our friends and family are on board and we all try hard to use the new name and pronouns and I even broke down and got her a binder but she is miserable and angry and still just as anxious as before so her drs think this is part of a much bigger issue. In any case I sm heartbroken, disrespected, humiliated in our small town by small minded people and my kid doesn’t care. She just acts like a normal snotty teen but with short hair and constrained breasts. Anyway she also has a cute boyfriend who called her a She but she didn’t yell at him for his mistake but I am read the riot act every time I make a mistake. It has only been two months and I have a hard time being super aware of using the name etc even though she looks like my daughter not my son. So I hope this site can give me solace as we move through this craziness. Thanks!

    • Owl Reply

      Dear J,
      I’m so sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this right now.
      I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. It HAS to be crazy making.
      I remember being a teenager like it was yesterday. Even though I am in my 40’s now, I remember. I, too, thought that I had been born in the wrong body. I was so sure that I was a boy trapped in a girl’s body. I fought my parents and school councellors about this every day for several years. And this was in the 80’s when transgender wasn’t even a word yet.
      I began to live full time as a man when I turned 18 and moved out of my parents home. I went through some of the trans medicalization (which was honestly some of the easiest and most simple things that I ever did in terms of asking for and immediately getting hormones and binder etc etc.) No one questioned me. No one even councelled me for more than one session before immediately rubber stamping me as trans and issuing me whatever I demanded. The date for my healthy breast removal was booked and set. I was really doing it! (and having NO resistance as far as psychologist/therapist/doctors/surgeons etc)
      And then, as I reached the age of adult reason (from my research that’s around 25 years old when human brains frontal lobes are finished developing-frontal lobes are responsible for ) I started to question what was going on inside my own mind, my body and the medical industrial complex. I was seeing the rise, even then in the 90’s with the transgender movement. I started to voraciously read anything I could get my hands on about transgenderism. (up to that point, the only things I read were forums where other trans congregated -so completely biased- and blogs of trans people -again, biased- and information on how to get more hormones/drugs/surgery, what right words to say to manipulate health care workers to do what I want etc etc) Around this same time that I started to reach an age of accountability and reason and what I call thinking about “if I do X, Y will happen” I got incredibly sick. Really sick. It took doctors and specialists the better part of 10 years and incredible amounts of testing of all kinds being sent here and there and to bigger cities for bigger tests until they found out what was wrong with me. I had to be taken of hormones. I couldn’t wear the binder because I was so sick. During this time before I was diagnosed and once off hormones and bed ridden and my only solace having a laptop and my then partner going to the bookstore and library for me constantly, I started to come around to the idea that transgenderism is a trap. It not only supports gender stereotypes to the umpteenth degree, but it harms women-which I am. It harms children, it harms healthy bodies in a myriad of ways. Transgenderism supports all kinds of negative things! It forces healthy bodies to become medical experimental playgrounds for the entirety of a lifetime. I started to see through the facade. I started to understand what I had done to myself. And how sick I was, was probably because of the chemical soup that I had been putting into my body.
      I made the choice to de transition.
      I never got my healthy breasts removed.
      I was lucky in that my genitals were never altered through hormones or surgery.
      Unfortunately, I now battle daily with excessive body hair. But in a way, I view it as a battle scar of what I had been through. And how I came out on the other side and survived and if this was the “worst” of it, I am thankful.
      I became diagnosed with a permanent, degenerative, non contagious, rare disease that I’m not sure I want to name out in the open as of yet. Suffice to say, it’s in the same “class” of dieases like Multiple Sclerosis. As I age, it will get worse. There’s no cure, it’s here to stay, it’s been in my dna since I was conceived. It’s genetic. However, being on so many synthetic hormones and chemicals and squeezing my D size breasts on the constant, daily basis is probably what triggered the disease to raise it’s ugly head and declare itself. It’s also common with my disease to manifest in the early 20’s and usually not any sooner.
      Now I’m in my 40’s. And after a TON of therapy, constantly being poked and prodded and now on a different chemical soup of cortico steroids, immuno suppressives, nerve blockers, anti-depressants, anto spasmodics, heavy duty muscle relaxers, opiate painkillers-heck you name it, I’ve finally learned to be ok with who I am. Ok with the body I was born with. Ok with being female. Ok with my biology. Ok, even with the disease. I’m ok with me. It took a long time. It took getting a life threatening disease to actually shake me from my trans coma, fairy tale dreamland but I did. And now I can proudly declare that I was born female, and no amount of synthetic drugs actually made me male, no matter how badly I wanted to me. And that I am ok with that. I’m ok with being female. I’m ok with being me.
      It was a long, difficult road, but I’m ok with being me now. Yes, I wish I never did the things to myself that I did. But it’s done. And now I can tell others that there ARE alternatives. You don’t have to do this to yourself! You CAN be ok with being born in the body you were born with! It’s possible!
      Change the world, don’t change your body!!!!!
      Keep fighting the good fight J. I’m really sorry this reply to you was so long. I just really felt compelled to tell you my story and that maybe it can give you hope? In some bizarre way? haha. That maybe you can share this with your daughter? I don’t know. I just want you to know that even though I don’t know you personally I stand in solidarity with you and that you need to know that you aren’t alone. And that there’s hope. And to keep fighting for your daughter and her female body. And if you want, I’ll do anything I can to help you. There HAS to be some kind of resource somewhere like a therapist that your daughter can see who can help her be ok with the female that she is and the woman she will become. There’s so many more important fish to fry than constantly worrying about your appearance. Your daughter should be focussed on being a kind, good person, and perhaps a career they could be happy in. Not about her physical appearance. Not about her actual biology (which, scream and stamp their feet as they do, the trans cult will NEVER be able to change ACTUAL biology IE: their sex).
      I wish there was more I could help with, or do, for you and others living the transgender lie.
      Stay strong. Arm yourself with information. Be the parent and be firm and use calm, sound reasoning and actual science (not the pseudo science that the trans cult uses over and over again). Be resolute. Your daughter will thank you for it down the road.
      *hugs from the wet…er…WEST coast of Canada. πŸ™‚

      • Annabelle Reply

        Thank you Owl for sharing your lived experience. I try to tell my child that folks like yourself are out there but the propaganda has done a great job of convincing her that only one percent of people ever change their minds despite the dismal stats that prove transitioning doesn’t equate to happiness. It’s a fixation that has hijacked her life and caused so much distress. I’m going to share your post but sadly I believe it will fall on deaf ears. You could make a bundle and perhaps the course of lives by sharing this more formally. I am one parent who would be ever so grateful for my teen to hear a more complete story that captures this experience in an honest and balanced way. The situation is made even more difficult when you’re up against professionals who barely know your child and undermine parental authority and concern. Add to the mix some angry cult-like bloggers taking the Internet by storm and all hope feels lost. Until a Month ago I had no idea that adolescents are now encouraged to make very permanent and grown up decisions. Wow! I’m grateful that I stumbled upon this cite.
        Thank you again! I am also Canadian and heading west for the first time this spring. Hope it won’t be as wet as you said. 😳 I’m going to seek solace in the mountains.

      • Rysmom Reply

        Owl, all I can say is Thank You. I will share this with my son. You are putting into words my fears, things I can’t seem to verbalize, but you touched on everything I have been trying to communicate to my son. Accept who you are, love what you were born with, learn to be happy with yourself. Gender is just a small part of who you are. I told him if he transitioned, gender would become front and center, all encompassing, noticed daily, discriminated against, judged. It would color every aspect of his life, and not in positive ways. To paraphrase his kindergarten teacher – “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”. Flippant, I know, but true. Work with what you have, right? Warm regards!

      • Kim Reply

        Thank you for your story. I wish I.could get my.son to therapy and to read this.site. He is only 19 so many.years until the frontal lobe develops….

    • Owl Reply

      OOPS! I forgot to elaborate on the part where I was discussing the age that frontal lobe brain development is complete and what the frontal lobes are responsible for.
      Here are a couple of links that will help with that that I urge you to read about.
      The first one will really help put perspective on this and why teenagers are the way they are and how their minds work. I think this will be an excellent resource for you J. I really hope this helps and arms you with your own science-based evidence that can help your daughter finally learn to accept and be ok with her biology.
      http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124119468
      https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/trouble-in-mind/201112/brilliant-brazen-teenage-brains
      http://brainconnection.brainhq.com/2013/03/20/decision-making-is-still-a-work-in-progress-for-teenagers/

  • charlie Reply

    Looking forward to reading your articles. Hopefully it will be a place to learn rather than a place that people are too cautious about being yelled at if they ask questions or leave a comment .

  • BarbieHater Reply

    Thank you so much. I am female and as a kid was as non-conforming as it got. Never got into dolls, dresses, makeup or whatever. The adults in my life called me a tomboy and it was all good.

    I am so glad I’m not a child right now.

  • atranswidow Reply

    It is so important for parents to have an alternative, unbiased opinion when dealing with a child’s struggle with gender, or body image issues. We are at the stage when therapists and psychologists are not allowed to consider other underlying issues such as depression, autism spectrum disorders, PTSD etc once a child presents with gender identity issues. In the UK recently a government inquiry has heard from a number of trans activist groups, some of whom are already involved in policy making decisions. Much has been made of waiting times for treatment and the more than exponential rise in children being referred for treatment in recent years. Government planners and policy makers need to be asking WHY that is and what effect media coverage, peer pressure and mis-information has in this trend. Questioning is not an act of hate.

    I sincerely hope that your voices will be given a chance to be heard and I wish you all the very best. You have been a huge inspiration to me in my own families dealings with transgender issues.

  • Marcia Reply

    Thank you so much for getting this new website up and running. I’ve been reading and reading and reading so much about the trans narrative (thanks for that useful phrase!) over the past month or so since coming across a thread on a discussion forum when women were told they were being “transphobic”, “cis-sexist” and “transmysogenist” for mentioning that men have penises!

    My son, now 13 years old, as a younger child wanted to wear make-up, dresses, jewellery and clasps in his hair. He has a diagnosis of Asperger’s and when I prepared notes about him as part of the assessment process for that I mentioned his determination, which I admired and encouraged, not to conform to gender stereotypes. My son and I talked about society’s expectations for men and women, boys and girls, in terms of how they dress and behave etc, and how these vary across the globe and throughout history. I was very clear that a boy can like the colour pink, sparkly things etc as a boy.

    Now, less than 10 years later, I find myself seriously considering the prospect that a child psychologist reading notes like the ones I prepared about my son, suggesting that the child is in fact transgender, rather than an intelligent, independently-minded boy who is prepared to challenge society’s expectations.

    As a child, I myself was very much the tom-boy, was pleased to be “mis-gendered” and went to the barbers’ with my father a few times to get my hair cut like a boy’s. I strongly suspect that if the internet had been available to me as a child/teenager, then I too might have decided that I was trans, and wanted to transition socially, and horror of horrors, been indulged in that by the medical establishment and medicated into infertility and all manner of health problems, never mind psychological trauma.

    I could go on, at length, but will stop now.

    Again, thank you and I hope this site will be a great success and resource for parents, children, and anyone who is seeking a critical perspective on this bizarre delusion which seems to be sweeping over us.

  • Jennifer Bilek Reply

    Hi, I’m interested in making a submission to your incredibly welcome new site (I was hoping for this!!). My co-writer and I have been working on several articals against the trend of transgenderism. I just finished one about the trans umbrella and the varying different catagories under the umbrella that lead to confusion. I’d love to submit it to your site as I think it will be helpful. We can’t continue to discuss this issue until we sift through the myriad defenitions, some of them in conflict with others, that are housed under the trans umbrella. Please send me an address if you are intersted. I couldn’t find it on the site. Many thanks and keep up the great work!!

  • Sleepless Parent Reply

    I just want to add an “Amen!” to everything said above. Thank you for this site, and for your hard work in its creation.

  • Dorothy Reply

    I thank the women and parents who contributed to start this site. This is a wonderful website where parents can finally escape the mainstream media’s push for the medicalization of our children. After all, the mainstream media has a revolving door relationship with the pharmaceutical companies. It is very difficult to find a site or article that will question the validity of this movement unless you go to the right wing press (and many of us parents would prefer not to). It is rare a moment when the mainstream media mentions the adverse effects of the hormone blockers and the irreversible effects on our children, especially when followed by cross-sex hormones. These kids will grow up to be in-betweens because this process never allows their body to go through their own puberty, therefore no reversal is possible. I don’t think parents are aware of this and so many of the subjects that this site will cover. I hope this marks a turning point in this uphill battle that we, as parents, have been faced in our fight to protect our children from unnecessary treatments. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!

  • Helen Saxby Reply

    Thank you for doing all the work to bring this site together. There is such blind acceptance of trans ideology at the moment that it’s really difficult to find any dissenting voices. It feels like everyone is running scared for fear of being seen as transphobic. This will be a fantastic resource for anyone interested in the truth (including of course many trans people themselves who are worried about the current level of indoctrination around trans issues).

  • Spideycat Reply

    Thank you so much for this site ! It’s like opening a Christmas present early, as this site is badly needed!

  • Rysmom Reply

    Just want to say thank you for putting into words the thoughts I keep tripping over when trying to explain to my child my point of view. Everything I say comes out hurtful. It’s hard to separate the personal aspect when it’s so close to home…actually, is home. Our children need support, but us parents do as well. Not only do we have the responsibility to our children to do all we can to be sure the path they follow is their true path and make sure their mental state is healthy in all aspects, no matter what path they travel, but we need to do the same for ourselves AND the rest of our family. It’s a difficult job, it’s hard to hold all the pieces together when the puzzle is exploding in front of your face. It’s something that affects more than just the one child, it affects our own personal community. So thank you for giving me a voice. Peace to all of you on your journeys, wherever they lead you.

  • Pamela Morgan Reply

    Thank you for providing a space where a rational conversation can take place about the medical mutilation of children and teens.
    If adults want to transition, they have that right.
    However, the push back of Trans supporters among mid-wives, who now encourage the use of the phrase the birthing parent as opposed to the pregnant mother/woman, and the vitriolic attacks against those who raise questions and concerns or against women advocating for women born women space, etc. is disheartening.
    The trend of tran-women being given awards that are designated for women is just wrong! Our mothers and grandmothers fought so hard for our rights. There are women born women who are so much more deserving of these awards that I can’t help feel bitter.

  • elizabeth Reply

    This website is such a hopeful development. I hope it will provide a space where women can support, strengthen and nurture each other to withstand the cult of transgenderism and its irrational, damaging propaganda and turn the tide of opinion to examine the roots and agenda of this cultural phenomena and the reasons its been allowed to flourish.

  • I’m_With_Ya Reply

    Finally. A website about transgender kids that makes sense, that balances the scale (which was tipped way too far towards the ‘yep your kid is trans’ ideology.)

    I don’t really have a dog in this race, except for my membership in the human race, which I thought had gone total batsh*t crazy with the whole trans thing, until I found a few sane voices (like this website) out there.

    So, kudos, stay the course, keep the faith, I’ve got your back!

  • Rysmom Reply

    My son was just “diagnosed” with Gender Dysphoria, after 2 meetings with a Psychiatrist with GD experience. My own neuro psychologist agrees that, while this may be a correct diagnosis, there may be underlying issues that need to be explored (his impulsiveness, poor judgement, inability to remember doing certain things, changing the memories of his past to fit his current feelings, feeling like he “doesn’t fit in with the family”, inability to allow himself to be proved wrong even when all the facts are on the table, among other red flags) and suggested a personality neuropsych exam to help us answer some of the dozens of questions we have about this diagnosis and whether or not it’s something we need to follow through on, plus see if some of these personality quirks are really at the basis of this GD. Personally, I don’t think a diagnosis of GD is cause to jump immediately into the transition phase. At age 17, I don’t think he realizes the ramifications and effects on the family and on himself in society, and I intend to point them out, lovingly, not aggressively. I’ll research aggressively, but will try to balance my fears with his feelings and continue to show him how much I love him. Dysphoria in and of itself is a general feeling of unease and sadness with a situation, which means to me depression. We are all unhappy with certain aspects of our bodies (stupid “thigh gap”) and I believe some people take it to the extreme if there are underlying mental conditions. And although this insults my son, I do believe GD is a mental disorder. I told him nobody with a mental disorder likes to hear they have one, why would he be any different? And, in the end, if his personality neuropsych exam shows there’s nothing underlying and it is true GD, I don’t support the transition at this age. He will need extensive counseling to help him cope with not getting what he wants right now. It’s a balancing act to show compassion and love, and yet grasp at every straw until there are none left. And, when that happens, he’ll have to learn how to exist with this desire without acting on it. After all, that’s what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom; the ability to restrain from acting on feelings. Granted, not every body shows that restraint, but we do, as humans, have that ability. I understand there is a high rate of suicide among transgender teens who are not supported by family, but when the psychiatrist pointed that out, my husband’s first question was “and how many of those kids’ parents commit or attempt suicide because of this?” There’s no research on us. But I’ll tell you this, that night, when we got the diagnosis of GD, I took a long and hard look at a bottle of pain pills. Through my tears the idea of falling asleep and not waking up looked pretty damn good at that moment. But it passed. I know my son needs me as much as my other two kids do, and I refuse to have my son feeling guilt that it was his fault or my other kids and husband blaming him for the same thing. If he’s going to go through with transitioning after every test and therapy known to man is exhausted, then he can do it when he’s grown and self sufficient. Until then, we research and get him the therapy he needs to cope. I told him all he sees on TV and the internet is the “good” stuff and he’s not getting a reality show out of this. Maybe someone needs to make one from the views of the rest of the family, the ugly part of all this.

    • Proudmomofanerd Reply

      Rysmom, I sense that your relationship with your gender-dysphoric son is similar to mine based on your post. My son is currently 16; about a year ago, he announced that he was “Trans”. We thought/hoped the feelings were just a phase; unfortunately, the thoughts persisted so we eventually found a gender specialist. Luckily, this therapist takes her time before making any diagnosis, and she does not believe in rushing patients into taking hormones, rather, she encourages her patients to find alternate methods for dealing with their dysphoria. We are still early in the diagnosis phase, but the therapist did tell us that she requires a separate neuro-psych exam which I am hoping will provide some useful feedback because my son definitely has some personality quirks similar to your son. As I keep hoping for an alternate solution to my son’s dysphoria, I find comfort in reading blog posts from 4thwavenow.

      • Rysmom Reply

        Proudmomofanerd – thank you for the blog info; it’s a very interesting and insightful resource. My son will also be meeting with a neuropsych next week. When I spoke with the doctor and told him the GD diagnosis, he said “try to hold off on any emotional reactions just yet” to which I replied “too late!”. But his comment was comforting. As I mentioned before, a diagnosis doesn’t automatically equal transition, nor should it. There is so much to be explored but these kids just seem to only see one path. My son is so stubborn, he refuses to see any other way. What is the rush to transition? Why not explore the reasons behind it rather than accepting “I just feel this way”. I “just felt” that way about my thighs and I really, really regret the liposuction surgery. Horrible outcome, very expensive and painful to try to repair. I’m still on that road. Insurance didn’t cover it, although if using the same protocol as a GD diagnosis, I’m certain I could have convinced a doctor that my life would be better if my thighs were trimmer. I was obsessed with them, and I regret having surgery. Can you imagine changing your gender and regretting it? Horrifying!

        My psychologist (yep, I’m seeing one to deal with this) said a diagnosis is just that and nothing else. All the diagnosis means is he fits the requirements; he’s unhappy with his male body, he prefers woman’s clothes, etc. What he decides to do with the diagnosis will ultimately (when he’s older) be his decision.

        I remember being 17 and thinking I knew everything. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious I knew close to nothing about the world and about myself. I changed so much, as I expect we all have. I’d really like to know why my son isn’t happy with his body. It isn’t enough to say he just isn’t. I need to know why, and I think he needs to know as well, and also find a way to feel comfortable in his body and move forward without the ultimate goal of transitioning in mind. I like your specialist’s thought process; let’s find ways to help these kids deal with the dysphoria without pushing or encouraging such extreme measures.

        Please keep posting; we seem to be on the same path and I’d like to keep in touch.

  • Joe Reply

    You lost me with the “true transgender” stuff
    There is no true transgender. There are self hating gay people, transvestic fetishists, and people with more rare and bizarre psychiatric problems like multiple personality disorder.

    There is no need for anyone to reverse the hormones in their body, get cosmetic surgery or wear certain clothes. Despite current conventional wisdom it is ok to be both feminine and male at the same time. And no matter what they do they can not become women. Giving them hormonal imbalance and having them live the rest of their lives in the closet pretending to be something they are not is not good for them

  • Kate Reply

    Thank you so much for this. My daughter is 5 and since she was under two she has been saying she “wants to be a boy” – because society tells her that boys like trains, pirates and superheroes. I have been living in dread that the trans movement would make yet more gains and I would be condemned as abusive for telling her that she can be a girl and like what she likes. Now that she’s a bit older she’s starting to acknowledge this and she now says she’s happy to be a girl. But what if I’d been a well meaning parent brainwashed by the current thinking? She’d be on the gender identity bandwagon with people telling her from all sides that she’s “really” a boy.

    • Alegria Reply

      Hi Kate, so glad your little girl is feeling good about being the girl she is and knows she can like everything she likes, and do everything she is capable of doing and be a female! Good on you πŸ™‚

  • Mitch Reply

    Hey, I just found this site and as a 49 year old female to male transman, who transitioned 16 years ago at the age of 33, and who grew up feeling “like a boy” since the age of 4, I commend you for your work and your concern. Medical and surgical transition for me, has been absolutely life-giving. I am beyond grateful for the work that the trans movement has done to educate the medical profession, policy makers, the general public in achieving access to medical treatment and non-discrimination laws around employment and housing. But I have been growing increasingly alarmed at how in the last few years it has become “hip” to be trans, and increasing numbers of young people deciding that they are. And particularly the growing trend of diagnosing children as trans. It seems to me that the trans movement is going way off the rails, and has gone far beyond trying to “help” people. It is completely unmooring gender from the physical reality of the body. Men do not get pregnant and give birth. They do not have abortions, nor do they matriculate from women-only colleges.

    Clearly, I was truly a transgendered child, but in no way was it horrible and unendurable for me to navigate childhood and adolescence and working through this stuff in my own way. I had parents who loved and accepted me the way I was. And so when I made the decision to transition at the age of 30, it was a fully formed one that I could own and take responsibility for. I feel that that has been an incredibly important piece of building my identity as a man.

    Anyway, lots more I could say. But I wanted to chime in and say thanks for your work, and thanks for the balanced perspective. So often the narratives are either coming from the gender/queer theory side of things or the one from commenter Joe above, who believes there’s no such thing as transgender. Both are equally dangerous, as they are both ideological perspectives. In my opinion neither of these two competing perspectives is based in reality, and doesn’t help anyone.
    So keep it up!

    • Rysmom Reply

      Mitch – thank you for your openness. I appreciate your willingness to comment on a site that could not really be considered pro-trans. Some of us are very scared parents and your point of view is welcome to us. Well, at least to me, as I can’t speak for anyone else.

  • Sarah Reply

    We need more of this. Transitioning is NOT the answer nor is it a cure.

  • Joanne Reply

    Thank you for this much needed site.

    • Jana Reply

      My child struggled with gender issues for years but her journey came to a determination that she can live as a girl who feels masculine sometimes, feminine others. She officially suffered a nervous breakdown and the amount of info on sites like Buzzfeed gave her the sense that this was w possible reason for her depression and anxiety. It’s not. It’s a chemical problem for which she will take meds the rest of her life. But this site saved my life as she struggled with her gender, getting us in trouble with the TSA, causing her to lose friends, causing issues with her teachers, alienating her (and me) from extended family. I gave her room to discover what was going on and got her into therapy right away. It reached a crisis point in the psych ward the night of my birthday after no one remembered she was a boy on Thanksgiving. TT has been a lifesaver in so many ways, informative and accepting. I don’t know how we would have gotten to this place Of stasis without it. Thank you so much! The journey continues but my daughter feels more motivated, able to cope with everything she’s been through and is going through… And that her two sides are becoming integrated, not separated. For children struggling with such things, I wish them (and you parents) patience to see the process through to where your child understands what he or she or they really want. Best of luck and thanks a million, js

  • CaringForMyDaughter Reply

    Thank you very much for having the strength to stand up to what has become a terrible concern for parents all over the world. I have a 17-year old daughter who has been struggling with severe emotional issues since she was 12 and is now convinced her real problem is that she’s trans. I don’t believe it for a minute and I have been doing extensive research online to find alternative view points.

    It is incredibly discouraging to Google something like “questioning transgenderism” and be presented with page after page of websites and videos expounding the wonderful benefits of transitioning!

    I clicked on an ad at the top of the list of suggested sites, wondering who would be placing ads there. It took me to the GLAAD website, which is a huge and very powerful media and PR organization set up solely to control the image of LGBTQ people in the media in the USA and internationally. With an annual budget of over $5 million US dollars, and a long list of corporate sponsors such as AT&T, IBM, Anheuser-Busch, their power and reach is staggering. There is not a news story related to anything LGBTQ, nor TV show or movie with a LGBTQ character that has not been reviewed and approved by GLAAD. They also act aggressively to stifle anyone in the media who may have an opinion differing their own.

    And now, they have set their sights on transgenderism. Take a look at their Transgender Media Program:

    http://www.glaad.org/transgender

    I am very, very scared.

  • C Botha Reply

    Why are we as men and women afraid to be just who we are, I love being a woman and a wife and a mother.
    I loved raising my children as girls and boy I had no shame about it
    Why in today’s society is it so frowned upon
    So so sad

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