What Trans Activism Means To Me As A Parent

The following is a guest post from a UK mother about her son’s path to a transgender identity and the effects on him of that diagnosis. It is a harsh indictment of the way the NHS has swallowed transgender ideology whole and the resultant failure in their duty of care to young people. It exposes the myth peddled by trans activists that it is a long hard journey to be diagnosed and treated by the medical profession as well as an exposure of the role played by trans “support” groups like Gendered Intelligence who, with no professional medical authority, are given free reign to indoctrinate and reinforce a transgender identity onto vulnerable young people.

This is a heartbreaking story and we are extremely grateful to this mother for submitting it to us and allowing us to publish it. As parents we understand the personal risk involved in sharing such a story publicly and this mother has done so in the hope that it will help others and play some part in balancing all the media stories which are overwhelmingly positive and uncritical of the youth transgender phenomenon. We thank her for her courage and wish her son and family the very best.

My son was born 24 years ago into a body that was healthy, beautiful, strong and (potentially) fertile. Doctors – responding to the demands of trans activists – are changing that body into one that will be reliant on medication, will lose its beauty, its strength and its fertility. I am convinced that my son is afraid of these changes yet feels that he has to go through with them. Asked by a psychiatrist what he would do if a genie could give him three wishes, his first wish was that he should not have to go through transition.

It is trans activism – discovered on the internet during a period of intense unhappiness at the age of 21, supported by the activist group Gendered Intelligence, and realised by so called gender specialists working within the NHS that is now making this young man believe that he must take cross sex hormones in order to live. ‘You can have a dead son or a live daughter’ he said in a recent family therapy session, parroting a claim that appears all over the internet, one of the many clichés of the trans movement which take over the brains of those who succumb to this cult.

In case you are wondering, my son was perhaps the most typically boyish of my three boys: he loved Spiderman, Lego, rough and tumble. Not that gender nonconformity such as his two brothers occasionally displayed (in a request for a Barbie, dressing up in a dress and long wig, or asking for jewels to be sewn onto a T shirt) would have suggested that either was a woman. A man can do all these things. Gender after all is a mere societal construct and has nothing to do with biological sex.

The conviction that he was a woman, when it arrived suddenly one summer, did not seem to have much to do with gender. He was experiencing depersonalisation, a sense of not being in the body, and researching this on the net he found that it was a symptom of being transgender, and – here comes the nasty part – that if you are transgender you must transition or you will inevitably kill yourself. This must have been a particular anxiety for him because his younger sister had made a serious suicide attempt the previous year.

I have no doubt that the obsession with gender that now seized my son grew out of a period of deep unhappiness, a perfect storm of difficulties such as occasionally overwhelm a young mind. In the three years leading up to this change his older brother had been subject to a serious assault which resulted in emergency brain surgery and a long period of recovery. Just as he recovered, his younger sister became mentally ill, developing an obsessional fear of men, perhaps in response to her older brother’s injury. And at this time, my son fell in love for the first time and was rejected.

The family had been through dark times with the older brother and the younger sister – but both have come through these difficulties and emerged with some wisdom and optimism. In the case of my ‘trans’ son there was one overwhelming difference: this time we could not trust the NHS. A neurosurgeon had saved the life of my oldest son, the acute liver ward had saved the life of my daughter and the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy team had gradually taught her to accept herself and her body. But my son faced a quite different response. This time he would receive a half hour interview from a ‘gender specialist’ who offered him an avuncular chat on using women’s toilets and choosing a name. The written report from this meeting encourages my son to go ahead suggesting that ‘A wholehearted and unequivocal change of gender role will, I think, probably make things easier […] and intimacy and sexual contact with a partner who is aware of the situation may go more smoothly than all previous sexual contacts.’

Far from neutral, this ‘gender specialist’ actively proselytizes for medical intervention, offering what my son regards as a ‘diagnosis of being trans’ but which is in fact an echo of my son’s internet based self diagnosis. In this interview, my son’s narrative (which omitted the recent traumatic events) was taken as truth, and he was waved through to progress on to hormone therapy. This would, perhaps, have been fine had this course offered happiness and social functioning to a troubled young person. But strikingly it has not. He is now, 18 months after finishing university and a year after seeing the gender specialist, living at home, receiving disability allowance, and going out mainly to the trans support group ‘Gendered Intelligence.’

Recently he has joined a coding group for those with disabilities but he finds it hard to talk to other young people who ‘misgender’ him. At the last birthday party before his trans coming out, he invited 14 friends. He has lost touch with all of these friends and now sleeps most of the day, getting up at 1 o’clock and spending most of the night playing computer games or on the internet. He has developed vitamin D deficiency from staying indoors and lost a great deal of muscle mass from a lack of physical exercise. It is the NHS guidelines that in his case prevent him from receiving the help that he needs and it is the doctors, driven by an intellectually incoherent narrative that are rushing to ruin the life of a previously happy, healthy, academically successful and sociable young person.

This Post Has 11 Comments

  1. Sterling

    This story mirrors our own family loss…our son was 23 years old. Engaged to be married, lost his fiance then spiraled into depression. Under the guise of helping him, the trans community have destroyed his life. He is now transitioning, awaiting surgery, all after a 1/2 hour diagnosis with a trans physician.

  2. GCDad

    Thank you and your guest writer for this. Out really does help to know that other people at going thru similar turmoil. It helps to know that your instincts, backed up my the wisdom and kindness of all those “terrible TERFs” is right. Transing will not ease it children’s pain, it will add to it.

  3. Misty Mina

    A brave comment, thank you. It is an ‘intellectually incoherent narrative’.

  4. Sylvie

    This poor parent! There’s no situation where using the manipulation tactic “give me/let me do or I will kill myself” is OK. The trans cult is totally culpable for this Kool-Aid. It’s incredibly unfair to other people to present them with such an ultimatum, and I don’t know how this in particular has become so prevalent without some kind of intervention from those with the power to do something/effect change. People recognise it as toxic emotional blackmail when it comes to breakups (“if you leave me I will kill myself”). It’s an absolutely horrible thing to do to someone else. I’m not suggesting the son is to blame – he’s just drinking the Kool-Aid. Definitely one of the dangers of all these programs and features being broadcast to impressionable audiences. I despair.

    1. Sylvie

      ^ That was meant to say “give me/let me do (thing) or I will kill myself”

  5. Una Hodgkins

    I’m sure that you thought about this, but why was Dialectical Behaviour Therapy not suggested/available for your trans son’s trauma? DBT was successful with a (superficially) similar set of anxieties suffered by your daughter.
    I have been told by no less eminent a psychiatrist than the Medical Director for Mental Health Services for NW London that psychiatry is far, far less advanced than physical medicine (read “stone-age” compared to “space age”!) We need some original thinking in this field…..

  6. Jana

    Being in a similar position with my daughter, I can say that, for our sake, Americsn doctors did not rush to establish her grand self but gave her time to deal with the severe clinical depression and anxiety disorders she suffers from. She also reiterated many things she learned on line but ultimately realized, after psych ward stints and progressive care, that she was not authentically trans, only bisexual and is now moving forward in a more healthy way under care of a phalanx of doctors and the love we give her and her remaining friends give her. You have been through so much–I wish you all the best…

    1. Jana

      Trans NOT grand! Sorry!

  7. Dave

    The ‘trans’ ideology has been actively promoted by ‘useful idiots’ such as Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, who hardly give a second thought to the damage and hurt they might be causing some families

  8. Petuniacat

    Thank you for this. It is both riveting and a horrifying. This is someone who clearly has some kind of depression problem that is being actively neglected by his doctors. I am so saddened by this.

    It also struck me how similar your description to how your son is living now is to the description by atranswidow on her blog My Only Path to Power of what happened to her husband after he started transitioning. https://transwidow.wordpress.com/2016/03/27/what-happened-to-me-was-predictable/
    He’s a grown man and he’s living with housemates but otherwise it’s identical. The staying indoors, the sleeping all day, not having a job. And other women who’s husbands decided to transition tell similar tales of emotional deterioration within the process of transition. Or perhaps that’s what ‘transition’ is? This disturbing era in medical folly cannot end soon enough.

  9. Peg

    Very sad indeed. Same story here. My niece, who is very much like my daughter, has a past full of mental health issues. Bullying, trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression… came out as trans. Gender therapist is nothing more than an activist, quickly rushed her on the trans train. However, my niece went in with a script of “all the right things to say” (i.e., lie). She had been coached for months on the internet, by other maladjusted people. However, GT referred her to endo at first visit. They played, and Dad bought, the suicide card. Not a fair tactic to pull on a father/family who already experienced prior suicide attempts. I’m furious. Total manipulation, and emotional blackmail. Trans’ing was supposed to be this utopia, to improve all the ills she experienced. Nothing could be further from the truth. She’s been binding over a year, on T nearly a year, and more a recluse than she ever was. Before, she had friends, sports, albeit socially anxious and awkward, as many teens are. Also, very depressed. Since trans’ing, she quit high school under the guise that she would attend college full time. Today, she is enrolled in 1 college class and will only leave the house to attend that class and nothing else. The rest of the week, her car sits, rotting, in the driveway. She is not any less depressed. She does not appear to feel any more whole. She is actually functioning at 1/4 of what she was before she trans’ed. She needed and needs a “real” therapist (not quack) to help mine her trauma and help her feel less dissociated. Gender therapist does not return her calls now, and there is no exploration or therapy at this time. Just an apt with a pediatric endo who will soon off her to an adult endo. She’ll have no one (but us, the ones who have always been there, and will never stop being there). The first lawyer who comes forward to sue those responsible, I’m on board with her dad. I can’t wait.

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