We have long been concerned about the impact of schools trans policies on two specific groups of children: the siblings and the children of trans parents. These two groups are routinely ignored in schools trans guidance. The celebrations, the trans flags, the teaching of ‘gender identity’ as fact, the coercion of children to ‘be kind’ and be ‘trans allies’: what effect does all this have on the children who are facing the issue within their own families?
We asked Emma Thomas, who founded the support group Children of Transitioners, to give us her thoughts as the child of a father who began to identify as transgender during her childhood. We are very grateful to her for writing this important account from the perspective of the children of transitioning fathers.
Follow Children of Transitioners here:
www.childrenoftransitioners.org
childrenoftransitioners@protonmail.com
@childrenoftrans on X
Introduction
Children of Transitioners is a group founded in 2019 by Emma Thomas. We are not funded and have no party-political affiliations. Our members are currently all adult women with fathers who began to identify as transgender after getting married and having children. Over time, we expect to see children of women who have transitioned join us, but currently most of this cohort are very young.
One concern that reflects our own experience is the difficulty in getting help in schools, or from social services, if they are captured by the ideology that insists that ‘trans women are women’ and sees any diversion from that as ‘transphobic.’ We are hampered by a prevailing ethos that refuses to acknowledge that men who cross dress can be as abusive as men who do not, and a belief that as these men are now women, they will have the same offending profile as women. Sadly, it is a fact that cross dressing can be part of a pattern of sexual offending in some men – as some of our members have experienced.
We have previously submitted evidence to the government GRA enquiry about issues that affect us:
https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/16837/pdf/
Safeguarding in schools
Gender confused children are the main focus of consideration for professionals dealing with trans-related issues in school, but they are not the only ones facing challenges. The children of trans people are hugely impacted as well. A major concern is that professionals dealing with children of trans parents may overlook the normal safeguarding considerations in order to escape any suggestion that they are ‘transphobic’.
We suggest the government provides an Equality Impact Assessment referring to different groups which would help schools consider the needs of all children affected, including the children of trans people.
Coercive enforcement of trans ideology
It is also worth considering that well-intentioned adults in schools can become proxies for coercive control at home by enforcing pronoun use or expecting the child to be a ‘trans ally’. The European Court of Human Rights and the UK Supreme Court have both ruled that it violates a child’s human rights and wellbeing to deny their right to correctly name their parents as mother and father. We would like this to be part of schools’ guidance also, that a school must not pressure any child to lie about who their mother and father are.
Trans groups in school
The influence of Stonewall in schools has clearly had a huge impact, and we are aware that many schools around the country are still working with ‘LGBTQ’ groups which often promote the ‘TQ’ far more than the ‘LGB’. We are concerned that schools’ unquestioning celebration of ‘Pride’ and all things trans-related is harmful and distressing to children of trans parents who may be facing considerable challenges at home. We need schools to be a safe place from any ideology. The ‘Pride’ lanyards and posters can feel like an extension of coercion. Teachers reinforcing the ‘transwomen are women’ or ‘you can be born in the wrong body’ narratives destabilise trust in the school, and reinforce the idea that there is no authority you can turn to if your trans parent is abusive. Furthermore, for a child who is confused and destabilised by demands to affirm that a parent has changed their sex, the promotion of gender identity ideology can embed the idea that it is the child who is at fault.
Many organisations who could help us have also taken advice from Stonewall and similar organisations. This makes it difficult for us to talk or report abuse to anyone, including the police, CPS, SWE, NSPCC and Childline. This is why it is essential for schools to be objective, non-judgemental spaces.
The presence of trans groups in school may also be a catalyst for bullying by other pupils, for example in this case in which a girl was ostracised for questioning trans ideology:
https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/girl-18-driven-out-of-school-for-questioning-transgender-ideology
Upholding our rights in law
We are concerned that non-statutory advice from the government will be ignored by motivated activists working in schools. Guidance should be statutory as far as possible.
We are also concerned that workplace policies could be used to circumvent the rights of children of trans people. Cases such as Freddie McConnell’s, which aimed to change the birth certificates of children of trans parents, have so far failed, but moves to remove our human rights are constant. Recently, the College of Police has advised that children and partners of trans people are guilty of domestic abuse if they do not cooperate with a transition. Schools must aim to be a source of unbiased support for children.
We know of children of trans parents who have been corrected by staff when talking about our fathers. We risk punishment for talking about our lived experience at school where staff want children of trans people to cooperate with the ethos of ‘gender affirmation’, despite the protections we should have in law. This culture must be changed.
Trans teachers and other staff
Age and sex are basic requirements for safeguarding and risk to children. The reasons why adult males decide to identify as trans are mostly sexual. This applies to the demands of male teachers in school too and this is an issue not yet addressed by government. Until it is, children in schools will remain at risk.
A failure to tell the truth has left children vulnerable to grooming. Falsifying, lying or pretending that males are really females (such as schools using the slogan ‘Transwomen are women’ or ‘Miss’ for male teachers) is a safeguarding issue and increases the risk of abuse to girls.
Other considerations:
We may keep everything that is happening at home a secret out of a sense of shame. Sometimes our fathers have been arrested for sexual offences. Sometimes schools may not know about what is happening in our private lives until social workers become involved. It is important that schools protect us and our privacy.
In Church of England schools, the initial ‘Valuing All God’s Children’ guidance specifically says that children of trans parents are bullies for not complying with the assertion that men like our fathers are women. It would be helpful if the government established how children of trans people could be protected from coercion in schools.
We believe that children need clear rules that should be followed unilaterally, and ones that do not put an onerous duty on the teacher to cater for every individual child. In our experience, our fathers may criticise daughters for not being feminine enough, or may want to choose our clothing. A uniform rule that takes the issue out of our hands would be helpful.
Looking back to the experience of my two children and myself in 2006, when my then Trans-H finally told us the reason for his mental breakdown (THAT is MY description of his repugnant behaviour) I am full of admiration for the Deputy Headmaster and his close team at our school. I had an interview with the headmaster, who blinked (!) but was totally supportive. My children were treated without any fuss by the school. They were emotionally well-balanced because I made sure that they had no face-to-face contact with their father. I read all e-mails from him to them and we analysed them together. Basically he walked out on us and we heard very little from him – the less the better.
I know that other families have been forced to continue a relationship with the Trans-identifying father, who remains a totally disruptive “parent” in name only. The effective parent was me, their mother. I am very, very proud that my children were impacted so little by their father’s selfish tricks and manipulation.
Thank goodness they have you. How confusing that must have been for them. I can only imagine if you had also been pushing this narrative at them, that bodies are incorrectly grown into. I also feel so bad when kids have to call the transitioned parent anything other than what they have always known them by.
I confess I hadn’t really thought of these implications Emma, a very interesting read, thankyou.
This hadn’t even crossed my mind.
It is insidious that this movement is modeled after the idea of erasing boundaries, ALL OF THEM. How will little ones be able to identify abuse when nothing is wrong and acceptance is the only route?